From Self-Centered to God-Centered

I am a Cantonese. My father was a government bureaucrat and a civil representative. My family was well-off, financially. My parents had a very busy social life, and were not able to spend much time with the children. There were five children in the family; I am the second one, the first girl; I have an older brother. Since a very young age, I tended to wander in my mind and not to take care of practical responsibilities. I blamed my parents for my physical appearance. My younger sister was pretty and slender, while I was short and fat. I used this as an excuse to hassle my mother. I demanded my parents to buy any clothes that I wanted because I was not born with beauty. My temper tantrums tormented the whole family. My brothers and sisters were afraid of me, and felt sorry for me. I made my mother take me to many doctors, both Chinese and western, for weight reduction. I tormented my family and myself. Since I did not have a sober mind, I neglected my academic studies and had to change schools quite often. Being competitive in nature, I set my mind to become a great female vocalist. I sang for several hours a day, sometimes for as long as eight hours. With a lot of hope and dreams I applied for vocal major in the Department of Music of the College of Fine Arts. I was rejected three years in a row, and was filled with desperation. I lost my hope of living. Isaiah 42:3 says, “A bruised reed He will not break; and a dimly burning flax He will not extinguish.” I felt like a dimly burning flax and a bruised reed.

In my darkest moment, someone invited me to join the choir in the church. I had been worshipping Buddha for several years, and my life was filled with misery. The choir and piano in a church greatly attracted me, and I went to the church for this selfish reason. I left the Buddahivva for the church. I was not clear about the salvation of Christ, and no one told me the meaning of being a Christian. I just felt that I needed a change in my character and personality. Sometimes I read the Bible, too. I felt quite incredulous that the Lord teaches us to turn the other cheek when being slapped on one cheek, and to yield our cloak when someone takes our tunic (Matt. 5:39-40). I lost my interest. It was not until I read Witness Lee’s writings that I came to realize that this teaching is not a demand, but a manifestation of maturity as a Christian’s spiritual life reaches to a certain extent. This made sense to me.

When I was twenty-one years old and attending a Bible college, I was greatly attracted by the Christ in a Christian sister. I followed her wherever I could. God had given her His love, or she would have been exhausted by my adoration. Not all students in the Bible college were Christians; and those who were Christians came from different denominations. The principal belonged to a Quaker group. One day, this sister brought me to the meetings of the local church. I had a good impression of the local church, but I did not want to attend more meetings. I thought “I have a great future (I was going abroad). How can I waste my time to go to a place that has no outward beauty, and does not look like a church at all?” I thought my misfortune was over, and a beautiful future awaited me. However, the place I went, the Dominican Republic, was much more backward than Taiwan was. I was greatly disappointed. I stayed for eight months, and I could stay no longer. I applied for a visa, took a handbag, and came to Toronto, Canada. The weather was freezing cold; there were very few people. I walked alone on the street, and my heart was even colder than the weather was. All of a sudden, I remembered the address of the local church in Toronto that the sister gave me before I left Taiwan. I had a feeling that this was the group of people I was seeking. Since that day more than thirty years ago, I have never left this group of people. They are some of the called-out ones of God to be His testimony in different localities, or cities, as the local churches. I received salvation in a clear way, and began to enjoy Christ. The Bible, with footnotes, coming from Watchman Nee and Witness Lee’s ministry, increased my interest in reading the Bible. I came to know the will of God. I don’t have a narrow view of the meaning of human life anymore. God has a great plan to gain a corporate new man (Ephesians 2:15), who is one with Him, to rule the whole earth. All things work together for good for this purpose (Romans 8:28). I walked out of my self-centeredness, and walked into the great purpose of God (Ephesians 3:9-11).

Upon seeing the great change in me, my parents and younger sister also received the Lord with joy. My mother had worried a great deal concerning my marriage. When I was twenty-seven years old and visiting home from Canada, she tried to find a good husband for me. She did not want to see me going back alone to Canada. However, I know on Whom I shall depend. There was a message by Witness Lee on Romans 8:6, “The mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is life and peace.” Even our marriage should be by the spirit, not by the flesh. I agreed with this. I previously thought that only divorces came from being in the flesh. A sister introduced me to several brothers, and one of them eventually became my husband. When he proposed and I prayed with him, this verse, Romans 8:6, came to my mind. I joyfully replied “yes.” My husband loves others with sincerity of heart and is without guile. He often tells me, “First, I love the Lord, and then I love you.” He often looks at me and says, “Do you know how blessed you are? You have the Lord and a husband who loves you so much. You still have your parents, brothers, and sisters. You have a son and a daughter who have grown up to love the Lord. The Lord has taken away the shame of your youth.” I received this with joy. However, I know from God’s Word that these seventy or eighty years are quite short and fleeting. They pass away. Only the will of God lasts forever.

Olive Wu

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